You want to have some fun? Get the in mind of a 9 year old boy.
Now experience Valentine’s Day.
If you’re chuckling, shaking your head and going “OH!…ooooh…geeesh” like your head and heart are both hurting, you’ve got the right idea.
If you’re a nine year old boy, it goes without saying you do not go into a store and buy a valentine. That’s why God gave you a mom. She picks up several packs, brings them home, hides them from the little girls, then forgets where she put them. So now it is the night before. Begin to sweat.
You know the drill. You have to bring a valentine for every kid in the class. It dawns on you to just “forget”, but that has its drawbacks. Most of these valentines come with candy. You could only forget once or twice before your own candy haul may reflect that. You must proceed. Every kid in the class, and you’ve seen the class list. Heck, you’ve been in this class with these people since August. Half these kids are girls. Not that you’ve spoken with them, but they’re there. This is a problem.
You scope out the pile on the kitchen table. There is a lot of pink here. Hellooooo Kitty. No can do. A guy could be marked for life for passing out stuff like that to guys, never mind girls. “Baby, You Rock” “We were meant to bee…BZZZ” (Meant to be what? BBrrr…let’s not go there.) This is to0 hard. Your 2nd grade sister has the look of someone who has found her true calling. She “hearts” everybody. Takes extra time to add more fancy stuff. Yikes. Your kindergarten sister has her own problems. She’s getting all psycho over how to make some of the letters and used permanent markers. Bad idea. No way can you tell who these are supposed to be for. Good news is she has no idea that she just sent “You + Me = Heart4ever” to a kid called Jack. Or maybe Jake. Hard to say.
Who’s idea was this anyway? This is not my holiday. These are not my people, you think. You’re about to yell “MOMMMM!” but she’s one step ahead of you. She spotted that look in your eyes. The one where you look 1/2 way between crying and bolting. The one that spells “Boy overloaded in a girlie world.” She gently points out the other, maybe dude looking valentines. “They come with Airheads?” you say, relief creeping into your voice. You realize that with a little scotch tape the Airhead pretty much covers the words. You decide the best thing for a guy to do is to just not read the words, use plenty tape and move on. “You didn’t think I was gonna make you send out the dorky Hello Kitty ones, did you?” Your mom says, smiling. PAH! You laugh, roll your eyes – “Geesh, Mom…”
“Probably a lot of kids will bring in candy tomorrow, don’t you think?” you say. “Mom?” “Yeah honey” “You’re coming to our Valentine’s Party, aren’t ya?” “Wouldn’t miss it.” she says.